Cam Newton was filmed smoking what could have been an illegal substance over the weekend at a club in Nashville so needless to say, Peyton Manning is in some major trouble.
Newton was in Nashville hanging out with Dominique Rogers-Cromartie and attended the birthday party of a guy named Robert “Black Rob” Higgins, a local event promoter and not Johnny Depp’s new nemesis in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. It was while enjoying the music and fellowship at said party that Cam Newton was filmed doing this.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCA3_28QxkS/?taken-by=terezowens
I know what you’re thinking after seeing that and I agree. Peyton Manning better go into hiding right now, stay off the internet and get advice from Tom Brady on how to properly destroy his cell phone. It’s going to be a long week for the two-time Super Bowl champion quarterback.
Just in case you have any questions about whether or not that really is Cam Newton, here’s a post from Newton’s own instagram at that very party looking… we’ll say “relaxed.”
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCBHR4xkTKQ/?taken-by=cameron1newton
For some reason an NFL MVP hanging out and smoking a “cigar” seemed to get a lot of attention. Plenty of people filmed him doing it. Here’s this angle.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCA4KetQxk1/?taken-by=terezowens
And somebody decided to get the reverse angle too.
Chilling with cam newton in vip!! #AllBlackAffair pic.twitter.com/cPto9LvgDs
— Tiffany L. Wade (@IamTiffanyWade) February 20, 2016
The crap has really hit the fan for Peyton Manning now. He might as well just join the witness protection program. If he wasn’t already planning on retiring, his career would be over. The Sheriff? More like “the guy who needs to change his name and move to Antarctica.” Am I right?
Of course I am. Because the last time Cam Newton did something people didn’t like it really blew up in Peyton Manning’s face. Old accusations and papers were dug up from events 20 years ago that really reflected poorly on the former Denver Broncos and Indianapolis Colts quarterback so I shudder to think what will happen now, with video evidence appearing to show Newton enjoying what the kids call a “blunt,” which is a hollowed out cigar filled with, and I hope you are sitting down, marijuana.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Y73sPHKxw
No obviously there’s no real evidence of that. Newton could have just been smoking a cigar, as all world class professional athletes do, in which case Peyton Manning can probably breathe a sigh of relief at a crisis averted. If it’s just a cigar, Manning will no longer have to shred every document that leaves his home, hide all his cell phone records, internet history, take out orders or macaroni art from when he was in kindergarten. The coloring books and puzzles he completed that have been stored in his grandmother’s attic can stay there, hidden from all prying eyes. Did he color Spider-Man outside the lines? Did he give Daffy Duck pink feathers? We may never know. The Mannings are secretive that way.
I’m certain it would come as a relief to New York Daily News columnist Shaun King, who is scouring the internet right now for the correct camouflage or costume to really get to the bottom of this latest scandal, that in now way involves Peyton Manning, but somehow should.
What’s to become of Cam Newton now? There’s only so much of this Peyton Manning can take upon himself. Some of it, unjustly, might fall back on Newton’s innocent, rainbow-colored be-vested shoulders. I’d expect Cam will likely have to take a drug test soon, if the NFL hasn’t already shown up at his door with a piss cup in one hand and a 74-page document exposing Peyton Manning as a jaywalker in the other. What if, God forbid, Cam Newton fails that drug test? What then?
Let’s just hope it doesn’t happen. Let’s pray and put some positive vibes out into the universe that Cam Newton was just smoking an innocent regular cigar, filled with all the smoke, carcinogens and deadly chemicals that all elite athletes need. I know my fingers are crossed and somewhere, exiled far up in the Himalayas at a secluded Buddhist monastery under an assumed name, Peyton Manning is too.
