It’s been a rough start to Week Three here at The FAQ. I couldn’t have been more wrong about the Thursday night game if I was Bill O’Brien calling a run play on third and long. There’s no time to lament that loss. I have a job tto do. My job is to pick games better. Your job is to make fun of me when I don’t. I’m not trying to tell you what your job is. I’m just telling you what my job is.
As I do every week, I like to take a look at the competition to see how my peers are measuring up to me. Right now, it’s pretty ugly. Currently there are seven guys in the NFL media sitting at a solid 24-9, including USA Today’s Lorenzo Reyes and Fox Sports’ Andrew Lynch. I’m currently sitting in the middle of the pack, and while I’ve got some nice bookends with NBC Sports’ Mike Florio and CBS Sports’ Chris Chase, I’m just a game up on Will Brinson and, frankly, I take that personally. It’s time for a dominating weekend of picks. Onward!
Sunday Early Games
Arizona at Buffalo (+4)
I’m still not sold on the Cardinals (1-1) being a legit Super Bowl contender, but I’m sure as hell not taking the Bills (0-2) with a new offensive coordinator. Cards 27, Bills 17
Oakland at Tennessee (-1.5)
Jack Del Rio killed whatever mojo his opening week win on that two-point conversion gave the Raiders (1-1) with a bad loss at home to the Falcons. I don’t get this line. Did the Titans (1-1) fire Mike Mularkey and no one told me? Raiders 31, Titans 16
Cleveland at Miami (-9.5)
Speaking of lines, this one scares the shit out of me. I like the Dolphins (0-2) to finally get a win here, but -9.5? This isn’t Florida State hosting Troy, for God’s sake. The Browns (0-2) hand the keys to Cody Kessler and if he plays anything like the rest of the rookie QBs this year, he’s not going to give them back. Dolphins 17, Browns 14
Baltimore at Jacksonville (+1)
The clock is ticking on Gus Bradley’s tenure with the Jaguars (0-2), but the Ravens (2-0) have played it way too close over the last two weeks. They’re due for a loss and I think this is it. Jaguars 31, Ravens 27
Detroit at Green Bay (-7)
If this game was later in the year it’d be more lopsided than Khloe Kardashian’s boob job. As it is, Aaron Rodgers and the Packers (1-1) should get a nice, bounce-back win over the Lions (1-1). Packers 24, Lions 17
Denver at Cincinnati (-3.5)
Broncos fans on social media are up in arms over this line, thinking they’ve got the second-coming of John Elway at quarterback in Trevor Siemien. The two Denver (2-0) wins have been at home. The road, especially at Cincinnati (1-1) is a totally different animal. Bengals 20, Broncos 17
Minnesota at Carolina (-7)
Sam Bradford’s heroic rise to actual NFL quarterback with the Vikings (2-0) is inspiring. The Panthers (1-1) are still going to win. Panthers 34, Vikings 20
Washington at New York Giants (-3.5)
Kirk Cousins is the worst red zone quarterback in the league. The Giants (2-0) can suddenly play defense. Not a good combination for the Redskins (0-2). Giants 28, Redskins 20
Sunday Late Games
Los Angeles at Tampa Bay (-5)
The Rams (1-1) are on the road. Jeff Fisher is still their coach. Bucs (1-1) win. Buccaneers 27, Rams 9
San Francisco at Seattle (-9.5)
Again, these monster lines in these particular games make no sense. Seattle (1-1) has scored all of one offensive touchdown in two games while the 49ers (1-1) have moved the ball pretty well. I still like the Seahawks at home, but 9.5? No thanks. Seahawks 24, 49ers 20
New York Jets at Kansas City (-3)
Ryan Fitzpatrick had the best performance of his life last week when the Jets (1-1) beat the Bills. Can he do it against the Chiefs (1-1)? No. The answer is no. Chiefs 23, Jets 20
San Diego at Indianapolis (-2.5)
The Colts (0-2) have to win this game to save their season. Yes. In Week Three. San Diego (1-1) has to keep winning to save Mike McCoy’s job. Advantage Indy. Colts 34, Chargers 30
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia (+3.5)
The Steelers (2-0) travel well, but I think this game will be a little tougher than anyone thinks. Wentz is the real deal and the Eagles (2-0) were the perfect spot for him to land. Steelers 23, Eagles 20
Sunday Night
Chicago at Dallas (-7.5)
Another big line, but I like this one. Brian Hoyer getting the start for the Bears (0-2) is worth a touchdown all by itself. Cowboys (1-1) roll at home. Cowboys 38, Bears 13
Monday Night
Atlanta at New Orleans (-3)
A solid week-ender on Monday night. It’s a nice break after the turd last Monday’s game turned out to be. The Falcons (1-1) come in off a solid road victory over the Raiders. The Saints (0-2) are staring at an 0-3 start. It won’t happen. Saints 35, Falcons 34
This Week
Straight up: 0-1
Against the spread: 0-1
Last Week
Straight up: 8-8
Against the spread: 6-10
Season
Straight up: 17-15
Against the spread: 11-25
