Rob Ryan’s mouth is famous for being many things; a corn dog receptacle, where all the beer at the local AmVets party disappeared into and along with his goatee what would make him the most popular inmate in Cellblock D. What it isn’t known for is saying intelligent words and phrases.
Over the last couple of days that’s pretty much all it’s been used for, though I’m sure he took a break at some point to shove it under the chocolate fountain and his nearest Golden Corral.
Instead, Rob Ryan used that mouth to talk crap about the New Orleans Saints, the team that stupidly hired him to run their defense three seasons ago. He claimed his failure there was because head coach Sean Payton would never let Rob put his “signature on them,” and not just because Rob couldn’t pick up a pen with his hands always covered in hot buffalo wing sauce.
“There are two years that don’t have my signature on them, and it’s the last two years in New Orleans,” Ryan told Sports Illustrated. “And that’s just the truth… I get pissed in New Orleans because I know I am better than that. I am a way better coach than I was allowed to be, and that’s just the truth.”
But is it, though?
Kurt Metzger has an outstanding joke, and damn I wish I could find it or remember it correctly, where he talks about seeing two twins and the second one looks like the first, but all melty. Rob Ryan and Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan are twins, but Rob isn’t the melty one. He’s the one that’s been left in a ditch on an Arizona highway, dead, bloated and slowly leaking rot farts into the air around mile 108. He’s the Ryan brother that as you drive by the scent gets pulled into your car by the air system and you have to ride with it for another mile, commenting about how Albuquerque stinks like hell. That’s Rob Ryan.
Thoughts, Rob Ryan? https://t.co/CVMaDeaEQS
— Ed Werder (@WerderEdNFL) May 27, 2016
Instead of using his mouth to become World Champion in the Annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest or seeing how many cigarettes he can smoke at one time, instead Rob made the mistake of talking and in doing that, you’ll not be surprised, said some pretty stupid things.
First up, let’s be clear on something, and that “something” is the definition of the word “nepotism.” I understand in our our ” No Child Left Behind” to “Common Core” to whatever app you use to keep your kids from talking to you on their iPad, that’s a word that doesn’t get thrown around a lot these days. But here’s what it means, “the practice among those with power or influence of favoring relatives or friends, especially giving them jobs.”
Nepotism is how both Rob and his brother Rex got any jobs to begin with it, as they were sons of the famous defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, mind you. There are plenty of second-generation or even third-generation coaches in the college and NFL ranks (like Kyle Shanahan and Wade Phillips) and some of those guys are actually pretty great at it. I’d count Rex among them. Rob, though? Well, let’s take a look.
Rob Ryan’s first defensive coordinator job in the NFL was with the Oakland Raiders in 2004. That year they finished ranked No. 31 our 32 teams in total defense. In 2005 they were ranked No. 25, in 2006 they were No. 18, in 2007 they dropped back down to No. 26 and in 2008 the were No. 24. Rob’s tenure there was bad, with the exception of one near-mediocre season and spanned four different Raiders head coaches (Norv Turner, Art Shell, Lane Kiffin and Tom Cable). Needless to say Rob was finally fired.
Rob Ryan has failed at nearly every NFL stop, yet he still gets jobs. He will get a job after his brother is fired or is forced to fire him.
— Ben (@bengoodfella) May 28, 2016
But Rob was a Ryan, son of Buddy and brother of Rex who was having all kinds of success, especially with the Baltimore Ravens, helping build one of the greatest NFL defenses in history. Rob had to be worth another shot, right?
So the Cleveland Browns stepped in and hired Rob to be their defensive coordinator for the next two seasons. Their reward? A No. 21 and a No. 13 ranking, which was easily the best job Rob had ever done. But when head coach Eric Mangini was fired, Ryan was too and by doing so won the lottery.
He was immediately hired by the most talented team he’d ever fouled a toilet with, the Dallas Cowboys. He had two years to help one of the most talent-filled teams in the league get over the hump and it looked like he was doing it. The Cowboys went from one of the worst defenses in the league to the No. 16 ranked unit in 2011. To celebrate that fact, he immediately returned to old Rob Ryan form and the defense was No. 24 the very next year. And he was fired again.
Which brings us to Rob’s stint with the Saints, which he chose over the St. Louis Rams. For a team that Rob didn’t have a “signature on” they did pretty damn good in 2013. It was easily the best season of Ryan’s entire career. The Saints finished No. 4 in the NFL in total defense, a solid 20 spots above his career average. The next year looked a lot more like a Rob Ryan defensive unit, finished No. 28 in the league. Finally Rob was fired last season and the Saints defense finished last in the league.
So what is Rob’s signature? What does his history say? Is that No. 4 ranking really who he is?
What does Sean Payton have to say about all this?
“The idea that it wasn’t his (Ryan’s) defense, or he wasn’t in charge of it, is silly,” Payton told Pro Football Talk. “When you’re struggling as bad as we’re struggling for two years, and some of the same problems keep coming up, you know, 10 guys on the field, those things are just hard to live with.”
From PFT Live, Sean Payton on Rob Ryan remarks: "The idea that it wasn’t his defense, or he wasn’t in charge of it, is silly."
— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) May 27, 2016
The Saints don’t have to anymore. Rob was hired by his much more talented and successful brother Rex to be an “assistant head coach/defense”of the Buffalo Bills, which really is just a defensive assistant that makes more money than a regular defensive assistant. He’ll have no duties other than coaching up specific players, but even with that, he’s already causing trouble.
In an interview with ESPN, Rob proudly proclaimed of the Bills division rival the New England Patriots, “…I know one thing, we are going to beat them. We are together, we’re going to beat the best. …We have got big plans. Brink (Bill) Belichick on. We got him.”
#Bills assistant coach Rob Ryan takes multiple pokes at the #Patriots bear, telling @theMMQB: "Bring Belichick on. We got him."
— Vic Carucci (@viccarucci) May 27, 2016
I’m sure that will work out fine. It always has, right Rob?
