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The FAQ: AFC Championship – Steelers at Patriots

Can Brady go to his seventh Super Bowl? Jesus. no.

Our Championship Sunday nightcap is the game, I’d wager, most of you reading this have a rooting interest in and that interest is, specifically, rooting against the New England Patriots (15-2). The Patriots host the Pittsburgh Steelers (13-5) in the AFC Championship Game. Kick off is scheduled for 6:40 p.m. on CBS.

The line has ticked up half a point since Monday, which means too much money was coming in on New England’s side for the books to not react. The total has remained the same. Is this Patriots team a touchdown better than the Steelers?

Let’s listen to this then I’ll tell you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vy-QmgdUVTI

The AFC Championship Game: Pittsburgh at New England (-6, 51 O/U)

How the Steelers Got Here

Thanks to a power running attack and the foot of Chris Boswell was all the offense the Steelers needed to take down the Kansas City Chiefs at arrowhead in the divisional round. Boswell set an NFL record with six field goals, scoring all of Pittsburgh’s points in an 18-16 win.

At quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger was effective, completing 20-of-31 of his passes for 224 yards and a pick, but Le’Veon Bell was the story, carrying the ball 30 times for 170 yards. Antonio Brown caught six passes for 108 yards and recorded one Facebook video of his coach calling the Patriots “those assholes.”

This was only the second game in Steelers history that Ben, Bell and Brown played together and it exemplified why they’re so dangerous. The defense caused the Chiefs no end of problems, though they only officially recorded one sack (James Harrison of all people) and five tackles for a loss. Three from Harrison. They’ll need that kind of performance again to stifle Tom Brady and the Patriots’ offense.

How the Patriots Got Here

Back in the time before time, the ancient one whose name has been lost to eons and tongues too foreign to understand, an evil pact was written in crow’s blood and cut into the belly of a newborn pig before being buried under arcane stone markings and symbols that have long since faded into nothingness. That’s pretty much how the New England Patriots came to be, but really I’m going too far back.

As the No. 1 seed in the AFC again, the Patriots got the simple task of shutting down the Houston Texans offense, which they did for all of one half. Because it took them so long to really put their foot on the Texans’ throat, Brady took a thorough beating to the point where even the refs were sick of him whining about it. He did not have a good game, going 18-of-38 for a completion percentage of 47.3 percent, throwing two touchdowns and two interceptions that led to all but six of the Texans’ 16 points.

Brady’s most effective play against Houston’s defense was just throwing it up and hoping Julian Edelman caught it. Which he did, eight times for 137 yards, proving once again that ancient diabolical pact written in blood burns beneath the bowels of Foxboro Stadium even today.

The X-Factor

The Patriots are home favorites for a reason. They rarely lose at Foxboro and you can make your own cheating jokes about that. These two teams played back in October with Landry Jones at quarterback and it was still relatively close until the Patriots put it away in the fourth quarter. Everybody says this should be a Patriots and Tom Brady “F-You” season. They have the chance to say it loud Sunday night.

The Pick

The Patriots’ existence is enough to make you believe that karma isn’t a real thing. That people don’t get the punishments they deserve and Satan walks the Earth with impunity, but this is a new year. It’s 2017. And while 2016 may have been the first year of the apocalypse, I choose to believe we’ll all be better off in 2017 and that good things are on the horizon. It’s in that spirit of faithfulness and hope I make this pick. Tom Brady comes in bruised up from last week and the Steelers will surely do something to guard against those rainbow prayers he sent up to Edelman repeatedly. On Pittsburgh’s side, having the thee Bs all in the game should mean something. I’m picking hope. I’m picking justice. And I’m picking against G’Lothgorath, the eldritch devourer of worlds and his blood pact with the Patriots sealed in the innards of a swine so long ago.  Steelers 30, Patriots 27

Last Week

Straight up: 3-1

Against the spread: 2-2

Playoffs

Straight up: 6-2

Against the Spread: 5-3

Season

Straight up: 163-99-2

Against the spread: 133-131

To make a wager on this week’s NFL games, go to the world famous Diamond Sportsbook by clicking here.

Written by Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared on Cracked.com, in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

The FAQ: NFC Championship – Packers at Falcons

Vegas, Baby. Vegas