David Butler II-USA TODAY Sports

Friday Afternoon Quarterback: NFL Week 2 Spread Picks and Locks

NFL Week 1, as it often is, was kind of a disaster. It’s difficult to gauge what you see in the preseason, this last August especially since teams like the Los Angeles Rams and Dallas Cowboys barely, if ever, played their starters. You have to base a lot on gut feelings and your offseason grades for each team. And then, still, something like Tampa Bay Buccaneers 48, New Orleans Saints 40 happens and everybody’s board goes out of whack. Here at the Friday Afternoon Quarterback, I’ll try to make sense of all of it. And, barring that, at least get in some good jokes.

I took a hard “L” to open the week and I’m not proud of it. There was a big voice inside my head that said I should take the Bengals, but it sounded too much like Marvin Lewis so, just like his team usually does, I ignored it.

I’m digging out of this hole. You just watch. Here are The FAQ spread picks and locks for Week 2.

Sunday

Indianapolis Colts at Washington Redskins (-6, O/U: 47.5)

I’ve warned you about September Alex Smith all offseason and now the books have taken notice. Which makes this the perfect time to remember that Andrew Luck is still awesome and the Redskins are coached by Jay Gruden. The dogs ran free in Week 1. I’m not one to over-react, but I have to believe Jay Gruden will find a way to mess this up. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, he’s the Jay Gruden-iest. Colts 27, Redskins 24

Related: NFL Betting Guide

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons (-6, O/U: 44.5)

Did anyone watch the Falcons play last week? The only thing Steve Sarkisian didn’t do to bog down his own offensive players, is go out onto the field and tackle them himself. When he blindside sacks Matt Ryan on Sunday, none of us should be surprised. Panthers 20, Falcons 17 

Los Angeles Chargers at Buffalo Bills (+7.5, O/U: 43)

Alright, Anthony Lynn. There is, legitimately, the one team on your schedule I’d pick you to beat at this point and you’re playing them this week. Congratulations? Chargers 30, Bills 10

Kansas City Chiefs at Pittsburgh Steelers (-5, O/U: 53.5)

In this one case, the bookmakers aren’t fooled and neither am I. Ben Roethlisberger is good for one of those multi-pick, life questioning games per season where he wants to hang up his cleats and walk the earth like Bill Bixby in the Incredible Hulk afterward. He’ll get over it. Steelers 33, Chiefs 27

Miami Dolphins at New York Jets (-2.5, O/U: 43.5)

Are we overreacting just a tad here? The Jets did look great against the Lions last week, but Detroit was more charitable than a Mormon missionary that accidentally ate a pot brownie. Dolphins 24, Jets 20

Philadelphia Eagles at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3, O/U: 44)

I don’t feel like the Fitzpatrick fever has really caught on. He’s still available in all my fantasy leagues and no one has immediately decried that he should take Jameis Winston’s job. This is not the reserved response from NFL punditry of which I’ve grown accustomed. Eagles 20, Buccaneers 16

Cleveland Browns at New Orleans Saints (-9.5, O/U: 48.5)

Here’s a fun fact, at 0-0-1 the Browns are off to their best start since 2004. And here you thought you couldn’t troll with stats. Here’s another one; At 1-31-1 as their head coach, Hue Jackson has only one more Cleveland coaching victory than I do. Saints 40, Browns 27

Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans (+2, O/U: 44)

Deshaun Watson looked human and Marcus Mariota looked a lot like 2017 Marcus Mariota last week. When you factor in the elite head coaching match up of Bill O’Brien vs Mike Vrabel, this one might convince you to cancel your NFL Sunday Ticket subscription. Titans 27, Texans 24

Arizona Cardinals at Los Angeles Rams (-13, O/U: 45.5)

The Rams never played their offensive starters in the preseason and it showed for a half against the Raiders on Monday night. In the second half, they looked a lot like a team many people are picking to go to the Super Bowl and one I am just desperately trying not to jinx. Rams 33, Cardinals 20

Detroit Lions at San Francisco 49ers (-6, O/U: 48)

The last time Matt Patricia was involved in the kind of horror show we witnessed Monday night, he was seen coming out of a men’s room at a Golden Corral. 49ers 31, Lions 23

New England Patriots at Jacksonville Jaguars (PK, O/U: 45.5)

New England may not have a receiver capable of getting open against the Jaguars defense — and still I’m picking the Pats. Leonard Fournette has a bum hamstring, that means Jacksonville’s offense will go through the butter and motor-oil ensconced hands of Blake Bortles, who will serve this game up to New England with a side salad and freshly baked potato. Patriots 27, Jaguars 20

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos (-6, O/U: 45.5)

Jon Gruden spent the week tossing quarterback Derek Carr under the bus when that’s really supposed to be Von Miller’s job. Broncos 20, Raiders 13

Sunday Night

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (-3, O/U: 42)

Here’s a little tidbit for the rumor mill; Jerry Jones was seen hanging with Dez Bryant at a Jay-Z/Beyonce concert Tuesday night. Every divorced couple is due for one backslide. Cowboys 23, Giants 20

Monday Night

Seattle Seahawks at Chicago Bears (-3.5, O/U: 43)

Again, are we overreacting? I’d feel better about the Bears if Matt Nagy showed any faith in Mitchell Trubisky last Sunday night. Russell Wilson will either win this game or give birth to Khalil Mack’s baby in nine months. Seahawks 26, Bears 24

This week

Straight up: 0-1

Against the spread: 0-1

Last week

Straight up: 8-7-1

Against the spread: 6-10

Season

Straight up: 8-7-1

Against the spread: 6-10

About Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

About Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

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