Listen, we all took a bath last week. It was horrible and if we were a nation of men and women who still wore hats, we’d have all stomped them to pieces sometime around 11:30 Monday night. But we don’t wear hats. We’re hatless and we all had a crappy week. There’s only one thing we can do to get past it and that’s put our heads down and do better this week.
As usual, for what it’s worth, I’ll be noting my survivor pool picks as I go.
Byes: Browns, Saints, Giants and Steelers
Early Games
Oakland at Detroit (even)
I hate this game. I hate it because when you’re starting a week after you went 3-11, this is the last type of game you want to see. “Even” is exactly right, sportsbooks, damn you. Thanks for the help. Raiders 23, Lions 20
Indianapolis at Atlanta (-5)
If you play Daily Fantasy, this is game has you almost as excited as when you see the Saints defense show up on the schedule. Well, the Saints are off this week, so you’ll have to ride Julio Jones and Devante Freeman against the Andrew Luck-less Colts. Falcons 31, Colts 24 (survivor pool pick)
New York Jets at Houston (+3)
A week ago I would have picked the Jets in this game and not thought another thing about it. That’s before they lifted their skirts at home against the Bills last week. Hey, somebody has to win the AFC South now and it might as well be the Texans. Texans 17, Jets 14
Tampa Bay at Philadelphia (-5.5)
Are you kidding me? Minus 5.5 with Mark Sanchez at quarterback? You’re about to make some people rich, sportsbooks. Bucs 20, Eagles 17
Denver at Chicago (+1)
Brock Osweiller gets the start at quarterback against pretty much every coach that drafted him a few years ago. Yes, the Broncos defense is great and Jay Cutler can always pull a Jay Cutler, but don’t look now. These Bears are in the playoff hunt. Bears 34, Broncos 20
St. Louis at Baltimore (-2.5)
After last week I told myself I wouldn’t pick the Rams to win again until the proved they could play NFL football. Here’s the problem; I said the same thing about the Ravens. Let’s ride Todd Gurley against the Ravens defense and see what happens. Rams 24, Ravens 20
Dallas at Miami (+1)
Tony Romo returns and that usually wouldn’t phase me, as I think a quarterback needs one live game under his belt before he’s really “back.” But Dan Campbell has pissed me off all season so I’m not picking him or the Dolphins. Cowboys 27, Dolphins 24
Washington at Carolina (-7)
This Redskins team can sneakily play some good football. Not good enough to beat the Panthers, but good. Just imagine what they could do with an actual competent NFL head coach. Panthers 30, Redskins 14
Late Games
Kansas City at San Diego (+3)
I have yet to figure either of these teams out this season and neither have their coaches, who should both be hitting up the unemployment line sometime in early January. Chargers 20, Chiefs 14
Green Bay at Minnesota (-1)
I said last week that there was no way that Aaron Rodgers would lose three games in a row. Rodgers then, without ceremony, promptly lost three games in a row. So you know what I’m saying this week? There’s no way Aaron Rodgers loses four games in a row! Packers 31, Vikings 24
San Francisco at Seattle (-13)
Congratulations, Seahawks. You’re about to win a game and make Blaine Gabbert look all Blaine Gabbert-y. But 13 points? I’ll believe it when I see it. Seahawks 20, 49ers 13
Sunday Night
Cincinnati at Arizona (-4.5)
It’s the Carson Palmer bowl and a legitimate Super Bowl preview except it isn’t and no one really believes it will be. If the Bengals had won last week, I’d pick the Cardinals for sure. But “There’s no way Andy Dalton loses two games in a row!” Bengals 34, Cardinals 30
Monday Night
Buffalo at New England (-7)
Again, and this is just a gut feeling, if the Patriots had lost to the Giants last week, they’d have killed the Bills this week. By beating Eli Manning an their kryptonite, they actually open themselves up to a defeat at the hands of Rex Ryan, the other guy that seems to have their number. I’m still picking the Pats, but if anything just as an effort to add another jinx against them to the mix. Patriots 20, Bills 19
This Week
Straight up: 1-0
Against the spread: 1-0
Last Week
Straight up: 3-11
Against the spread: 3-11
Survivor pool picks: 0-3
Overall
Straight up: 80-65
Against the spread: 71-74
Survivor pool picks: 30-14
