With the 2016-17 NFL season finally in the books, I can finally catch up on a few stories and events that hit while the playoffs were rolling at full steam. And I begin with what should be obvious to anyone viewing the 2017 hype video sent out by the Florida Atlantic University Owls barely a week ago. Lane Kiffin has been kidnapped. And this video is his proof of life.
See for yourself.
Proof of life is an important concept in any high-stakes kidnapping. When a kidnapper is asking for a ransom, the negotiator will ask for affirmation that his victim, in this case Kiffin, has not been murdered or even harmed.
Kiffin has at least been treated well by his captors. They’ve obviously been feeding him well as his Daniel Tosh-like features have kind of fatty melted into more of an Andy Richter-ish mug.
But the reason we all know Kiffin recorded this video under duress is from the simple, ridiculous words coming out of his puffy, sweaty face when it begins.
“Hey, Owl nation. It’s Coach Kiffin,” he says. Owl nation? Is there any way you could call the infinitesimal fanbase of the FAU Owls program a “nation?” Better choices would be “Hey, Owl trailer park” or “Hey, Owl Walmart-brand pregnancy test shoppers” or “Hey, Owl crystal methamphetamine enthusiasts.” Any of those would be way more accurate than “nation.”
Lane Kiffin when he sees Sark bolted after one game as Bama OC pic.twitter.com/sjZnN0KoPY
— Adam Gill (@A_Gill15) February 7, 2017
He continues on, saying, “Please join us. Next week.” The halting pause here, the unnecessary period is obviously delivering a message to whoever is supposed to pay the ransom. He then flashes what is supposed to be some kind of “Owls” hand signal, but is obviously the final piece to the kidnappers puzzle. It’s the sign to Monte Kiffin, or Nick Saban or Kiffin’s ex wife, informing them where to drop the duffel bag of cash if they ever want to see Lane alive again.
They probably don’t.
Owls National Signing Day Haul
So how did Kiffin and the Owls do on National Signing Day? Pretty damn good, actually. FAU pulled in the top-ranked class in Conference USA and while that might not light the College Football Playoff rankings on fire, it’s certainly a good start for Kiffin in his quest to escape the Florida Atlantic campus in Boca Raton for an actual real NCAA head coaching job as fast as possible.
It's Official. 👌 #NSD17 pic.twitter.com/gdlrd4YCLQ
— FAU Football (@FAU_Football) February 2, 2017
Kiffin brought in 16 three-star recruits counting former Florida State quarterback De’Andre Johnson. That’s the majority of his 24-player haul and as soon as he can clear out the jail cells in Tallahassee, Gainesville and Miami, he’ll probably add a few more bodies to the pyre.
Kiffin really concentrated on JuCo transfers, with nine guys coming in from two-year institutions. The obvious selling point for guys looking to make a quick jump to prominence is they’ll get a chance to play early at FAU and have, legitimately, one of the best playcallers in the business running things.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! 6-1. 215 Former #Gator ATH signee D'Anfernee McGriff (@Dmcgriff1) joins #FAU's #Soar17! Welcome D'Anfernee! #OwlsUP pic.twitter.com/CDlKzZOM4d
— FAU Owl's Nest (@FAU_Owls_Nest) February 1, 2017
Along the way, Kiffin beat out some bigger programs on a few of these recruits. Corner Quran Hafiz was pursued by Indiana, Iowa State and Nebraska. Wideout DeAndre McNeal was in the mix at UCLA.
Wide receiver Jordan Merrell could have played in the Southeastern Conference at Kentucky. Defensive end Tim Bonner was getting wooed by Ole Miss. Wide receiver Willie Wright was on Memphis’ list. So there was some good work done here.
Surprise, surprise! Jovon Burriss (@Verified_Vonn) FLIPS from Arkansas State to #FAU for the cherry on top of #Soar17
WHAT A DAY! #GoOwls pic.twitter.com/QNm6VCGDFA
— FAU Owl's Nest (@FAU_Owls_Nest) February 1, 2017
Florida Atlantic finished 3-9 last season with a 2-6 conference record. Western Kentucky and Old Dominion were easily the two best teams in the conference and both teams won their Bowls last season, with the Monarchs actually winning the first bowl game in school history. They also both happen to be in the East Division with FAU, so Kiffin has his work cut out for him.
My early prediction on what Kiffin, kidnapped or no, will be able to pull off with the Owls in 2017? How about 7-6 with a 4-4 conference record and a bowl appearance? Think what you will about Kiffin as a person, and most of us do, he’s a good coach. And if the Super Bowl proved anything, karma and justice have no place on the football field.
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