There would be no eulogies for Jeff Fisher. No photographs of his mustachioed face would be sold in sundry stores. No people would crowd in the rain to see him celebrate being the all-time losingest head coach in NFL history. No biographies would be written about him. No children named after him. No one would ever pay 25 cents to stand in the rooms he grew up in.
And thus our long national nightmare of a Jeff Fisher-coached NFL team came to an end Monday when the Los Angeles Rams announced that they had done the thinkable. They had relieved Jeff Fisher of his head coaching duties after guaranteeing the Rams the fifth consecutive losing season under his tenure. Fisher’s career record of 165 losses, tied as No. 1 all-time, will not be added to. And considering no other NFL team will hire him after this, he’ll likely never get to add to it. He’ll remain tied with Dan Reeves, a coach Fisher doesn’t deserve to be mentioned in the same breath with, for all of eternity. No coach will reach that level of ineptitude again.
Rams fired HC Jeff Fisher, per @mortreport. Fisher tied a record Sunday with his 165th NFL head-coaching loss.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) December 12, 2016
It took Reeves 23 seasons to reach 165 losses. Nine of them were playoff games and four of them Super Bowls. In each Super Bowl Reeves took his teams to, three with the Denver Broncos and one with the Atlanta Falcons, they were always overmatched. They were never the best roster in their conference, but Reeves willed them into the postseason and beyond every time. His final record, 190-165-1. Fisher’s? 173-165-2 in 22 years. A NFL record all its own.
“There is no reaction,” Marshall Faulk told the NFL Network Monday. “The reaction came with the mention and the signing of the extension with this possibly looming. In the football world, this was inevitable. Everybody saw this coming. And, to be honest, was wondering what took so long.”
BREAKING: Los Angeles Rams fire head coach Jeff Fisher. (via @mortreport) pic.twitter.com/31532kQqFA
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) December 12, 2016
The fact that Fisher orchestrated his demise so thoroughly over the last few weeks comes as some comfort to me. No human on planet Earth enjoys the smell of his own farts as much as the mustachioed one, and to see all his little plans fall apart before his eyes pleases me. You’ve been one of the shittiest years in history, 2016, and this won’t fix it, but we all appreciate the effort. The only sad thing about this day is that the NFL Films cameras weren’t on hand to capture the look on Fisher’s face when owner Stan Kroenke fired him 13 days before Christmas. To see the fart cloud he lives inside dissipate before him.
It all started with a call to Eric Dickerson, one I believe VP Kevin Demoff didn’t think happened. In that call Fisher told Dickerson that he would not be allowed back on the Rams’ sideline as long as he criticized Fisher and his coaches. Dickerson told Fisher that as long as he’s coaching the Rams, he won’t be back, then spilled the beans to the media. It did not go over well for Fisher.
If you think about it, Jeff Fisher actually did lead the Rams to a Super Bowl victory… pic.twitter.com/3jnjM71qKJ
— PeytonsHead (Retired) (@BigHeadBS) December 12, 2016
After eating shit for a week, Fisher leaked that he’d signed a contract extension in the offseason. The Rams, you could imagine, didn’t want this getting out. Fisher knew that, but wanted to send a signal that he was still the man in charge with the Rams. The Rams didn’t get that signal, so Fisher opened his mouth one more time, throwing the front office and General Manager Les Snead under the bus. And that’s when “the Rams” started leaking back.
Specifically some of their personnel let NFL media members know that Fisher had a “toxic” relationship with Snead, that he wasn’t preparing the players enough in the week (which was obvious in every game they played) and that he was generally a turd person. Fisher was offended by such claims, denied them, and promised a witch hunt on the perpetrators. He didn’t get the chance.
I mean, Jeff Fisher didn't go 7-9, so I'm counting this as a success
— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) December 12, 2016
Fisher’s L.A. story ends with a 31-45-1 record and a 4-9 mark this season. I can picture his morning before he finally received his just reward.
Even as circulated the Rams facility he knew that the smiles disappeared when he passed by. He received so many menacing letters that he could read them without any reaction except curiosity. He kept to his office all day, flipping over playing cards. Looking at his destiny in every king, every jack.
Jeff Fisher becomes first coach to get fired in same season his team was profiled on Hard Knocks. History.
— Dan Hanzus (@DanHanzus) December 12, 2016
The firing would happen. Offensive coordinator Rob Boras would scream. But Jeff Fisher would only lay on the floor and look at the ceiling, the light going out of his eyes before he could craft one final, feckless excuse for his incompetence.
Special teams coach John Fassel will serve as interim coach for the final three games of the season.
We’re all laughing, but Jeff Fisher’s gonna get a Cabinet position any day now.
— Tom Mantzouranis (@themantz) December 12, 2016
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