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Roger Goodell Says Something Dumb

Photo courtesy of the New York Jets

If there’s one thing we all can agree on heading into the 2017 season, whether it be coach, player, talking head or writer, is that the New York Jets are tanking the season. Everyone sees it and it’s not even up for debate. That is, it’s not unless you’re NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. And you aren’t.

See, Goodell is a sycophant, a moron and morally corrupt so when asked an honest question, the man has no other recourse than to reach deep inside his ass and pull out the dumbest possible answer. Monday, Goodell’s ass-hattery appeared when he was asked by ESPN if the Jets are tanking this season, something obvious to all humans, dogs, cats and some species of octopus. Goodell was shocked at the allegation.

“I don’t think any team tanks, I really don’t,” Goodell said. …I think teams, depending on where you are, go through transitions. They are looking to sort of say, ‘We need to build more talent here, we’ll do it through the draft. Let’s let some of our veteran players go and develop some of our younger players.’ That’s always been part of football. That’s always been part of sports. …Every team does that differently.”

Yeah, some of them tank.

Really, though, I don’t know what any of us would expect Goodell to say in such a scenario. At least he used his mouth to form words instead passing out like a fainting goat or faking a heart attack and getting carried off the Jets’ practice field.

Seahawks make moves and moves were made on them

The Seattle Seahawks are missing a key piece of the 2017 version of their defense thanks to a four-wheeler. If players learn nothing with millions of dollars and their careers at stake, maybe it should be this; If it requires a helmet to drive, stay off it.

Second round pick Malik McDowell learned that lesson the hard way. McDowell is currently missing training camp recuperating from an off-season ATV accident. He’s currently on the reserve/did not report list and is in Michigan recovering from his dumbass four-wheeler wreck.

“Unfortunately, Malik McDowell was involved in a vehicular accident in which he suffered an injury during the NFL break period,” the Seahawks said in a statement. “As a precautionary measure, Malik has remained back in Michigan under the care of physicians there. Our medical people have been in constant communication with his physicians and have been monitoring the situation. At this point it is important for Malik to stay at home and rest. We consider this a long-term relationship and will do whatever is in the best interest of Malik. We look forward to Malik’s return to Seattle and will update you with any changes.”

McDowell, a rookie out of Michigan State, issued his own statement via Twitter.

“I appreciate all the concern regarding my health,” McDowell said. “I just want to clear the air. I am doing well and expect to rejoin my teammates in Seattle in the next few days. My injury is not life or career threatening as some have speculated. I am grateful for the support I have received from the Seahawks organization, my doctors and my family. You will see me back on the field in the near future.”

Last year at Michigan State McDowell recorded 34 tackles in nine games with seven for a loss and 1.5 sacks.

As the weekend began, the Seahawks made a couple of roster moves. Seattle added another reclamation project, signing former first round pick Marcus Smith. Smith was recently cut by the Philadelphia Eagles.

Smith joins former first round bust Dion Jordan on the Seahawks defense as the team tries to recapture the magic that got these guys drafted in the first place. In his entire pro career, Smith has 18 tackles and four sacks in three seasons. As a senior at Louisville in 2013, he had 41 tackles, 19 for a loss, four passes defended, six forced fumbles, two fumble recoveries and 16 sacks.

The Seahawks also brought back fullback Marcel Reece. Reece spent the final five games of last season with the Seahawks after a six-year stint with the Oakland Raiders.

Injuries start piling up

The Detroit Lions have placed left tackle Greg Robinson and defensive end Cornelius Washington on the non-football injury list. Defensive end Ezekiel Ansah and offensive guard Brandon Thomas have started camp on the Physically Unable to Perform list. Tight end Eric Ebron left practice Sunday after injuring his hamstring.

The Los Angeles Chargers have received terrible news on the health of first round pick Mike Williams. Williams will reportedly miss all of training camp due to a herniated disc suffered early in the off-season and the worry is that he’ll miss the entire 2017 season.

“I’m hopeful that it’s not (season ending), but who knows?” Chargers head coach Anthony Lynn told ESPN. “It could be. I don’t know. You’d like to have him out [there], but fortunately we have depth at that position and we’re going to be OK.”

Last season in Clemson’s national title push, Williams caught 98 passes for 1,361 yards and 11 touchdowns. Williams is currently on the PUP list.

The Chargers have also put safety Darrell Stuckey and oft-injured cornerback Jason Verrett on the PUP list.

Sunday Chicago Bears wide receiver Markus Wheaton had a pretty solid excuse for missing practice; he was in the hospital getting an appendectomy. According to reports, Wheaton’s appendix luckily did not rupture. Wheaton signed a two year, $11 million contract with the Bears this off-season. Wheaton was hurt most of last year with the Pittsburgh Steelers. In 2015, he caught 44 passes for 749 yards and five touchdowns.

Saturday the Washington Redskins lost speedster running back Keith Marshall when he tore his right patella tendon in practice. He will now miss the entire 2017 season after missing all of last year with an elbow injury.

Green Bay Packers rookie defensive tackle Montravious Adams has a stress fracture in his foot and will require a screw to be inserted surgically to repair it. He’ll likely miss the start of the regular season.

Denver Broncos offensive guard Ron Leary was held out of practice Monday with a groin injury.

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Written by Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared on Cracked.com, in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

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