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Thursday Morning Quarterback: Thanksgiving Games

Brett Davis-USA TODAY Sports

We already have plenty to the thankful for before the official games kick off today in Detroit, Arlington and New Orleans. Monday night we all bore witness to one of the greatest regular season games of all time. It was so great, people automatically (including me) starting openly petitioning for a rematch between the Kansas City Chiefs and Los Angeles Rams in the Super Bowl. So you know now that’s not going to happen.

But there’s still plenty for you to appreciate on Thanksgiving. Not only do you get three whole football games, you’ll get two terrific calls in the booth from Jim Nantz/Tony Romo as well as Al Michaels/Cris Collinsworth and in the middle, you can enjoy a nice tryptophan-induced nap to the dulcet, droning tones of Troy Aikman and Joe Buck. Here’s a special edition of the Friday Morning Quarterback, a Thursday Morning Quarterback, if you will.

Chicago Bears at Detroit Lions (+2.5, O/U: 43.5)

Here’s what Detroit can already be thankful for, Mitchell Trubisky is officially listed as doubtful for this game. Not that Trubisky is lighting up the world as a guaranteed franchise quarterback like the other two guys drafted after him last season (Patrick Mahomes and Desean Watson), but he’s still played well. He’s done enough to get the Bears atop the NFC North at 7-3, completing 65.4 percent of his passes for 2,469 yards, 20 touchdowns and nine picks.

If Mahomes and Watson weren’t All-Universe type players, Trubisky would be getting more love. That doesn’t matter now. He’ll be in street clothes. Starting in his place will be Chase Daniel. Daniel has been in the league nine years and has made a ton of money playing Angry Birds on his Microsoft Surface tablet. Daniel has, no lie, collected $28.3 million in his career as a back up. His total number of passes (not completions, mind you, just pass attempts) in the regular season? 78. That means that Daniel has been paid $36,282.05 per pass attempt. This will be Daniel’s third career start. He’s 1-1.

Related: NFL Betting Guide

Math can be incredible.

The Lions will be without Kerryon Johnson and Marvin Jones, but should still have plenty of weapons and an edge considering the faster head coach Matt Patricia can wrap this game up, the sooner he can start shoving whole deep fried turkeys down his neck hole like a reticulated python. Lions 27, Bears 16

Washington Redskins at Dallas Cowboys (-7, O/U: 40.5)

Speaking of back up quarterbacks, Colt McCoy will take the field against a suddenly hot Cowboys team that has put its future success in doubt by winning two straight and taking the heat off Jason Garrett. Three weeks ago Garrett was walking the Green Mile. Now he’s moonwalking his team to the playoffs and a possible NFC East title.

Jerry Jones could, and should, still fire him. But will he? It’s hard to tell. Jones doesn’t have so much as a poker face, but a Disney Hall of Presidents waxwork Warren G. Harding face.

Alex Smith’s broken leg likely wrapped up Jay Gruden’s tenure in Washington and, let me say ahead of time, congratulations Redskins fans. If Dan Snyder had been smart enough to fire Gruden two years ago, you could have just promoted Sean McVay. Happy Thanksgiving! Cowboys 24, Redskins 13 

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints (-11.5, O/U: 59.5)

Drew Brees and the Saints watched the Rams and Chiefs put up 50-plus apiece on Monday night and didn’t even break a sweat. Do the Saints have a 50-spot in them for Thanksgiving night? I’m not feeling it and I’m not feeling this spread. The Falcons have been a disappointment across the board this season and have dropped consecutive games to the Cowboys and the Cleveland Browns, of all teams. Every coach on that staff is now coaching for their jobs and should be. When you get out-coached by Gregg Williams, you should get fired on the spot.

I think the Falcons will shock the Saints here. Not by winning, but by competing at all. Dan Quinn. Dust off that resume. Saints 31, Falcons 27

Last week

Straight up: 8-5

Against the spread: 6-7

Season

Straight up: 92-67-2

Against the spread: 80-81

Written by Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared on Cracked.com, in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

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