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What’s an Olympics without Russia?

Putin is real broken up about this whole doping thing, man.

Admit it. You’re kind of glad Russia has been cheating at Summer and Winter Olympic sports for at least the last eight years. Yes, I just wrote “last eight years” like it’s not been happening for decades.

In case you haven’t heard, Russia has been busted running a “state-sponsored” doping operation in order to give their athletes a competitive advantage. Because of that Russia has been banned from participating in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio De Jeneiro.

It’s a ban that Vladimir Putin has called “unjust and unfair” according to the BBC.

“There are universally recognized principles of law and one of them is that the responsibility should always be personified,” Putin said. “If some of the members of your family have committed a crime, would it be fair to hold all the members of the family liable, including you? That’s not how it’s done. The people who have nothing to do with the violations, why should they suffer for those who committed the violations.”

It’s ironic that Putin is so up in arms about the doping ban, since it was Russia’s own athletes who first tried to blow the lid off the whole thing. Back in 2012 Russian discuss silver medalist Darya Pishchalnikova emailed the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) to spill the beans on what the New York Times called “systemic doping.” God bless her, she wanted to play fair. Her own country wouldn’t let her.

Of course the WADA completely ignored her. They also ignored the fact that in 2008 seven Russian athletes were suspended for turning in someone else’s urine for testing.

The shenanigans on Russia’s home turf in Sochi in 2014 were those of a James Bond villain. According to the New York Times, Grigory Rodchenkov, the director of Russia’s anti-doping lab, would get a list every day of athletes who needed to have their urine switched out.

How did they do it? With a secret room and passageway, of course. The passageway was a hole just big enough for a urine sample cup to fit through connecting the lab and a “storage room” that actually served  as Rodchenkov’s diabolical piss-swapping lab. Rodchenkov would hand the samples over to a legitimate Russian spy, for God’s sake, who would take them to another building to open the supposedly “tamper-proof” sample bottles.

How successful was the operation for Russia? How about 33 medal winners specifically on Rodchenkov’s pee pee list? That’s pretty successful.

Why did it take so long for all this to come out? In 2010 one of Russia’s own anti-doping officials, Vitaly Stepanov, secretly met WADA officials in Canada to blow the whistle on his country’s cheating. That was six years ago. Stepanov never let up, e-mailing WADA time and time again with new details and all he would get back was “message received.”

When it finally dead hit the fan heads rolled. Literally. Nikita Kamayev, the head of Russia’s anti-doping agency, resigned amid the scandal and somehow, to quote the NYT, “died unexpectedly.” Rodchenkov escaped the country and his own “unexpected something” and confessed the whole operation.

Rodchenkov was an analytical chemist and developed a combination of three steroids (metenolone, trenbolone and oxandrolone) and gave them to the Russian sports ministry to dole out to athletes.

Friday the International Association of Athletic Federations upheld the ban on Russia participating in the Rio Olympics. Individual Russian athletes can still compete as “neutrals” if they pass all the doping tests. Russia no longer does it’s own testing. It’s now done by the United Kingdom’s anti-doping agency.

The Russian Ministry of Sport issued a press release on the ban.

“…We have done everything possible since the ban was first imposed to regain the trust of the international community. We have rebuilt or anti-doping institutions which are being led by respected international experts…”

While Russia’s ban remains in place, they aren’t banned for good. None of us should have expected that. The IAAF gave Russia a specific list of what it must comply with to return. They must have a culture of “zero tolerance,” the coaches and athletes that participating need to come clean, Russia needs a new anti-doping infrastructure, and somebody needs to answer at the Ministry of Sport for the state-run cheating and ensuing cover up.

I don’t expect any of that to happen. I do expect Russia to be back on the slopes in two years and on the field and in the pools in four years, just as dirty as ever. It’s been 32 years since Russia skipped an Olympics and that time is was voluntary as they boycotted the 1984 games in Los Angeles to get back the United States for boycotting the 1980 games in Moscow. As a kid who grew up in the 1980s, it’s nice to have you guys back.

Written by Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared on Cracked.com, in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

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