This is the final Coach Ineptitude Rankings of the season. Next week, after the smoke clears and every coach gets fired that will be fired, I will be honoring one man with the “Jeff Fisher 7-and-9 Bullshit Award for Coaching Ineptitude.
The award will go to the man who every human on planet Earth knows should have been fired this offseason, but somehow convinced the ownership of a team he deserves one more year.
Our list now contains just seven names in honor of the three that have fallen. Fisher, Gus Bradley and now Rex Ryan have wrapped up their head coaching careers in inglorious fashion. And so we honor them the only way we can. Unless we meet them in real life, then, maybe, we punch them in the face.
7. John Fox, Chicago Bears
The Bears are a mess and will spend the offseason a complete rebuild and will likely shed every big, veteran contract on the roster. Fox has rebuilt a team before in Carolina and took them to a Super Bowl. In fact, he’s taken two teams to the Super Bowl and lost both times, but his last two seasons in Chicago have been abysmal with no sign of improvement from any area of the team. The Bears might take a hard look at one of the up-and-coming young coordinators that will be snapped up this season. Chance of getting fired: 50 percent
John Fox says #Bears will implement some new things including conditioning tests to hopefully prevent another injury-plauged season in 2017.
— Chicago Bears (@ChicagoBears) December 27, 2016
6. Mike Mularkey, Tennessee Titans
The Tennessee Titans are not in the playoffs today because of Mike Mularkey’s shitty coaching. The team has won eight games this season in spite of him, perfectly exemplified by his choice to go for two against the Kansas City Chiefs when his team was down 17-16 three weeks ago, only to get bailed out by his defense and a 53-yard field goal from Ryan Succop as time expired. Mularkey is the coaching version of herpes, showing up on a team every few years for a two-year outbreak. Unfortunately for the Titans, they’ll have to suffer one more year. Chance of getting fired: 0 percent
5. Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings
All I hear about Mike Zimmer is what a great guy he is, but you know what I say about that? Nice guy? I don’t give a shit. Good father? F–k you go home and play with your kids. You want to work for an NFL team, then win. Zimmer faced an open mutiny by his own players and did nothing about it. Can you imagine Bill Parcels or Bill Belichick putting up with that bullshit? Chance of getting fired: 0 percent
Mike Zimmer press conference today made it sound like he has given up on his players. Never seen him like this in 3 years…
— Purple Post (@Purple_Post) December 20, 2016
4. Hue Jackson, Cleveland Browns
Congratulations, Hue. You’re still on the Coach Ineptitude Rankings, but I actually have a lot of faith you won’t make an appearance on the list next season. Good win Sunday. You’ve still done a poor job coaching this year, but panic can screw with a person’s psyche. Chance of getting fired: 0 percent
3. Todd Bowles, New York Jets
Bowles was a contender for Coach of the Year in 2015. This year he’ll be lucky if he still has a job on January 2. You hear all the time about a coach “losing his team,” but the Jets are far beyond lost. They’ve crashed in the Andes and eating each other. Chance of getting fired: 50 percent
Jets "don't anticipate" firing Todd Bowles, via a leak that feels like a trial balloon https://t.co/ZYJHEuvfjZ
— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) December 28, 2016
2. Chip Kelly, San Francisco 49ers
Chip Kelly has won two games this season and they’ve both been against the Los Angeles Rams. For some reason Rams defensive coordinator Gregg Williams can’t seem to master Kelly’s high school offense every other NFL DC crushes like a beer can. If only Kelly could coach against Williams forever. Chance of getting fired: 30 percent
1. Mike McCoy, San Diego Chargers
And here we are, Mike. You and me. You’re back where you belong, where you’ve always belonged. In my preseason Bold Predictions article I rolled the dice that you would NOT be the first coach fired this season. Not only weren’t you the first coach fired, three guys were fired before you and you even get to coach out the season after losing to the Browns. Well done. Chance of getting fired: 100 percent
Mike McCoy says Chargers have not offered contract extension #boltz https://t.co/b0lpQOSfyt
— ChargersTalkLine (@ChargerTalkLine) December 20, 2016
Receiving votes: Bill O’Brien (Houston Texans), Jim Caldwell (Detroit Lions), Marvin Lewis (Cincinnati Bengals), Chuck Pagano (Indianapolis Colts)
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