When it comes to sportsbetting, you can keep your point spreads, your totals, your actual sports-related events that happen during a game, the Atlanta Falcons or the New England Patriots. The most fun I have all year is looking at the Super Bowl Prop Bets that have nothing at all to do with the game, but can still cost your kids their college funds if bet incorrectly. Here are a few of my favorites I’ve come across for Super Bowl LI.
1. Will Lady Gaga Have a “Wardrobe Malfunction?”
Yes +1500
No – 5000
Ever since Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake put it in the lexicon, a “wardrobe malfunction” has been threatened at pretty much any public performance from anyone. Gaga herself is a walking wardrobe malfunction, be it meat or feathers or dogshit, it’s hard to say if a rogue nipple could poke out thanks to an ornery possum in her live varmint dress. But Gaga is in a “seedy bar” phase of her career, going for more denim than T-Bone in her outfits of choice. I think we’re safe from any peeking areola Sunday.
2. Will Lady Gaga say “Trump” at any time during the Super Bowl Halftime show?
Yes +260
No -400
Oh man. That’s a good one because you know she wants to say something about our Orange Doofus President as bad as Fox doesn’t want her too. It’ll be a battle of wills and my guess she won’t “say” Trump, but through a shirt, a sign, a flag or something she’ll give him a symbolic middle finger. She may just spend five minutes grabbing her vagina.
3. Will “Aaron Hernandez” be said during the broadcast?
Yes +900
No -3000
If this Super Bowl was on NBC, this would be a real possibility for a “yes.” Al Michaels is unpredictable and has enough clout and chutzpah to talk about anything he damn well pleases and Chris Collinsworth is more than willing to go along for the ride. But Joe Buck and Troy Aikman? No way, even though Martellus Bennett in the best TE they’ve had in the “Hernandez role” since Aaron was cuffed and stuffed for murder.
4. Number of time “DeflateGate” will be said during the broadcast.
Over 2.5 +550
Under 2.5 -700
The half-point is killer here, because you know it’ll brought up at least once when the camera pans to Roger Goodell. It also has to happen between the kick off and final whistle, which means any pregame DeflateGate talk doesn’t count. It’s a tough one and, frankly, I’d stay away from it.
5. How many commercials will Peyton Manning appear in?
Over 1.5 -400
Under 1.5 +300
This right here is just giving away money. Since DVR technology entered my life I never watch anything but sports live on television and every single Sunday I’m inundated with Peyton Manning, whether it’s calling another grown man “Papa,” or swinging free in an open bathrobe on a park bench. So 1.5? Come on. Not only will Manning beat that over-under, he’ll probably end up with the funniest, best commercial of the whole night.
6. What color Gatorade will be poured on the winning coach?
Clear/Water +300
Lime/Green +300
Yellow +300
Orange +300
Red +500
Blue +750
Purple +1000
Why is purple Gatorade getting so much hate? Have I not been following the analytics of the postgame Gatorade bath color/flavor of choice. Am I that out of the loop on the pouring of sports drinks over coach’s heads? I will say this, of all the things to burn $100 on, worrying if the Gatorade you saw was yellow or watered down orange seems a tough way to miss March’s rent.
7. Will Luke Bryan be wearing a hat when he sings the national anthem?
Yes -120
No -120
How is this even money? In Trump’s America? Now I can’t tell you who Luke Bryan is or what he sings or describe what he looks like, but I do know this. No G0d-fearing, beer-drinking, sister-screwing country music star is going to disgace the You Ess of Ay by keeping a hat on while signing the anthem, no matter how much it makes him look like a 5-year old boy taking his yearly Easter Sears portrait.
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