Click here for Part 1 of the NFL Week Three Power Rankings
16. New York Jets – (1-1) I’ve already tossed Ryan Fitzpatrick a little love in these NFL rankings and I’m about to add a little more. His performance against the Bills was absolutely outstanding. Maybe he’s not a glorified back-up after all. If he can do that week-in and week-out, this Jets team has as good a shot as anybody of dethroning Denver. Last week: 17
17. Oakland Raiders – (1- 1) This was not your best effort at home, Raiders. Yes, the Falcons are potentially a good team, but you don’t drop a game like this at home after the way you ended your Week One win with that two-point conversion. Seasons have momentum too. Last week: 14
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – (1-1) One game can hardly be called a step back, but Jameis Winston really shit the bed against Arizona with four interceptions. Just pretend that ball is an illicit container of crab legs, Jameis. You know. Precious. Last week: 16
19. Atlanta Falcons – (1-1) The Falcons have the offense to play with any team, but head coach Dan Quinn was hired to build a defense. It’s not happened yet. Last week: 22
20. Washington Redskins – (0-2) While the Cardinals bandwagon is still rolling along, the Redskins wagon of band has cleared out completely. Kirk Cousins is the worst red zone quarterback in the league and, after betting on himself, looks like he might lose. Last week: 19
21. Indianapolis Colts – (0-2) The Colts’ season is on the line when the Chargers come to town Sunday. An 0-3 start wraps this thing up, but Mike McCoy is here to help. Last week: 20
22. Buffalo Bills – (0-2) The first step in getting fired as a head coach is to blame your team’s problems on a coordinator and fire him. Congratulations, Rex Ryan. The clock on your head coaching career is officially in the two-minute warning. Last week: 21
23. New Orleans Saints – (0-2) The Saints and Giants fought a defensive struggle, which seems ridiculous to write and actually cost me a $1 in daily fantasy. So thanks a lot, Saints. You owe me 100 cents. Last week: 23
24. Detroit Lions – (1-1) After a terrific road win over the Colts, the Lions turn around and lose a home game against the Tennessee Titans, coached by Mike Mularkey. I would ask how such a thing is even possible, but Jim Caldwell is standing right there explaining everything. Last week: 24
25. San Francisco 49ers – (1-1) The 49ers lose and I still bump them up a couple of spots. Chip Kelly, seemingly in defiance of God’s plan for us, has found a way to use Blaine Gabbert as a quarterback to score points. Maybe it was this whole “play like an NFL quarterback” thing that caused Gabbert so much trouble. Kelly seems to have him dialed in. Last week: 28
26. Los Angeles Rams – (1-1) I would have hated to be in the locker room after a pathetic 9-3 win over the Seahawks and witness Jeff Fisher luxuriously sucking in his own fart. Fisher is tremendous against Seattle for some reason, but sadly can’t play them every week. History is still calling you, Jeff. Just nine more losses and you’re there. Last week: 32
27. San Diego Chargers – (1-1) So you got a lead and you held it the entire game. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Last week: 29
28. Tennessee Titans – (1-1) Congratulations to Titans head coach Mike Mularky on his 19th win as a head coach in the NFL. It only took him 59 games to get here. Kudos!. Last week: 30
29. Miami Dolphins – (0-2) Following a tremendous defensive performance against the Seahawks with a complete bend-over Shawshank Redemption-style shower scene against the Patriots isn’t going to get the job done, Dolphins. Last week: 27
30. Chicago Bears – (0-2) Jay Cutler injured his thumb and any hope of the Bears winning more than five games this season ended right there. Yes, it’s Brian Hoyer time. Last week: 25
31. Jacksonville Jaguars – (0-2) Gus Bradley saw Mike McCoy atop the Dead Coaches Walking list and announced, “Not in my house!”. Last week: 26
32. Cleveland Browns – (0-2) It’s Cody Kessler time for the Browns. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but Sunday Ndamukong Suh is going to put a baby inside him. Last week: 31
