Week 15 NFL Picks

Steelers at Falcons [+3]

This is the kind of game the Steelers have blown all season. It’s also one the NFL, and especially the NFC playoff pool need them to so we don’t get a team with a losing record hosting a playoff game. Because of all that, Pittsburgh winning and covering is about as sure a bet as you can make. Pick: Steelers 34, Falcons 23

Redskins at Giants [-6.5]

The Redskins dumpster fire travels to the Meadowlands in New Jersey to warm themselves on the Giants simple hobo oil trash can fire. Eli Manning is quietly having a bounce-back year after last season’s disaster and has a couple of nice weapons and he and Odell Beckham Jr. should make sure that 6.5 points holds up. Pick: Giants 24, Redskins 3

Dolphins at Patriots [-7.5]

Time for one of these 3,000 AFC teams still alive for the playoffs to be eliminated and it looks like you’ve just volunteered as tribute, Miami. Pick: Patriots 31, Dolphins 17

Raiders at Chiefs [-10]

The Raiders losing at Arrowhead is an annual Christmas season tradition and one for which they won’t disappoint all those sweet little girls and boys in Oakland dreaming of a high draft pick and Jim Harbaugh as a coach. Chiefs, you live for another week. Pick: Chiefs 23, Raiders 16

Texans at Colts [-6.5]

The Texans have gotten all sexy lately, winning three of their last four and J.J. Watt doing his best to play every single position on the field to weasel his way into the NFL MVP conversation. Still, they’re playing at Indianapolis and the Colts are looking to be playing deep into January and Watt can only score so many touchdowns. Pick: Colts 34, Texans 19

Jaguars at Ravens [-13.5]

Congratulations on your late-season bye, Baltimore. Don’t waste it. Pick: Ravens 45, Jaguars 13

Packers at Bills [+4]

Look at you, Buffalo, just giving up four to the Packers at home. Look how far you’ve come. They say there are no such things as moral victories so remember that when Green Bay beats you by 30. Pick: Packers 42, Bills 10

Buccaneers at Panthers [-3]

Derek Anderson, along with Colt McCoy for the Redskins, is the second former Cleveland Browns quarterback to get the start this week after Cam Newton was injured in a car crash Tuesday. Anderson is 1-0 after winning Week 1 against these same Bucs, back when they were actually trying to win games and not fight for a top draft pick. Pick: Panthers 24, Buccaneers 13

Bengals at Browns [-1]

And here it is, Johnny Cornball’s official NFL debut and suddenly the marquis game among the early slate as fans tune in to see Johnny Manziel work his magic, or be crushed forever under the loving arms of 300-pound-plus defensive linemen. I count myself among the latter.

Though the Bengals have made the playoffs for three straight seasons, won the AFC North in consecutive seasons and are playing most of those same players in this game, the oddsmakers have decided that Johnny Shamwow’s presence alone means the Browns are favored. It could have something to do with the fact that the Bengals lost 24-3 to Cleveland just over a month ago, but it’s Manziel. Everybody’s excited to see him fail or succeed. I hope it’s a trainwreck. Pick: Bengals 27, Browns 23

Jets at Titans [+3]

We could call this the “Marcus Mariota Bowl” if the Buccaneers weren’t in danger of being worse than them both. Pick: Titans 17, Jets 16

Broncos at Chargers [+4.5]

It might be time for another appearance by smug, post-game Peyton Manning. He’s not a rare sight, but he never seems to appear outside New England, Seattle and random Super Bowl locations. Pick: Broncos 38, Chargers 24

Vikings at Lions [-7.5]

Jim Caldwell has the Lions at nine wins, a full three wins over what I figured he’d be able to do in the preseason and probably more victories than I would have expected over a two-year span. I’m convinced the Lions only hired Caldwell because they couldn’t figure out a way to hire Jim Schwartz again. They say some men are chess players and some men are checkers players, but Jim Caldwell would choke on the marble halfway through a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Pick: Lions 31, Vikings 17

49ers at Seahawks [-9.5]

This game has lost some of its luster since the NFL learned that all you need to do to shut down Colin Kaepernick is actually make him play the quarterback position. Get ready for a healthy dose of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman talking about Richard Sherman. You might want to watch this one on “mute.” Pick: Seahawks 44, 49ers 16

Cowboys at Eagles [-3] — Sunday Night

A mostly healthy Tony Romo faces off against a Marc Sanchez that spent all last week playing like he was still a Jet. Can the Cowboys close out December and grab the NFC East for the first time since 2009? I picked the Cowboys to finish 3-13 this year and predicted Jason Garrett would be fired by Thanksgiving. This is all undiscovered country for me, but as hard as I find it to believe in Tony Romo at Santa time, Marc Sanchez is on the other sideline. I mean, come on. Pick: Cowboys 27, Eagles 23

Saints at Bears [+3] — Monday Night

Bears’ QB Jay Cutler got his feelings hurt publicly this week by his offensive coordinator, meaning Chicago will either lose by 40, or he’ll be fired up enough to play his ass off they’ll just lose by 14. I say 14. Pick: Saints 24, Bears 10.